1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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