last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Randomize
