You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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