JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
