Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
