Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
