i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
