When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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