I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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