whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
