I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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