he wants to bone in the snuggie
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
