did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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