Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
