I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
