Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
