We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
