It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
