I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Randomize
