We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
This is the high leading the old right now
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
