you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
