There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
