and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
