how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
