I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
