Where did you get a picture of my penis
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
