I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
