We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
