We're like a lot better than the average bears
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
