bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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