I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
