i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
