You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Randomize
