I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
