why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
