I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
