6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
