You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
