What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
