I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
