life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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