you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
