do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
