he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
