he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
