oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
