It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Randomize
