Pappa wants mamma naked
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
