Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
