That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
