they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
