They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
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