I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
