I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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