i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
