woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
